What drives you crazy? Gets your goat? Wets your whistle? Chaffs your hide? Wish you could do something about it? Me too. Well, confession is good for the soul, so who's ready for some catharsis?
Have you seen the (relatively) new commercials for Kraft American Singles? As patriotic music plays and footage rolls of happy children riding a school bus, we hear such statements as "This is America and this is our cheese," and "Let's feed them our cheese!"
Never mind that the stuff contains so little actual cheese that it can't legally be labeled as such, but must masquerade under the guise of "Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product," according to Wikipedia In fact, it used to be called "Pasteurized Process Cheese Food," until Kraft received a warning letter from the FDA informing them that their use of cheap, imported, powdered "milk protein concentrate" made the Singles ineligible for the official term "cheese food." So now it's just "cheese product."
Another fun fact: those cute, individually wrapped little "slices" are not really slices of anything - they are individually poured into their plastic wrappers in the factory. Eww...
If you're going to eat cheese, just eat cheese!
Real cheese has been a staple of traditional cultures for thousands of years. Traditional methods of aging cheese (often aged for more than 2 years) reduce its lactose content considerably, making it much easier to digest than uncultured milk. In fact, aged cheeses are even allowed on the digestion-healing GAPs diet! Real cheese is full of calcium, protein, and fat, and its low glycemic rating means it won't wreak havoc on your blood sugar.
Okay, it doesn't melt as (eerily) uniformly as American cheese, but why settle for a cheap substitute? Eat the real thing!